Laugh as you may at my expense here, I certainly did.
In my younger days of wild nights and parties I went to a nightclub with some friends.
I was the ‘type’ whom after years of being bullied became the aggressor and eventually, at every opportunity available, stuck up for people. Even at times stopping the bullies from being bullied.
If there was a fight to be had I could find it – even though I knew then that I could equally avoid one. I was young, game and willing to scrap with anyone and have the scars to prove it. Unfortunately!
I could always spot the aggressor in any situation, and would look to confront them If the opportunity arose. My thinking was to put them in their place so that they didn’t do it again, because ‘they’ll think twice next time’.
Whether it be a road rager or a pub bouncer on too many steroids, I was the one to say bring it on. “I’ll show you how hard you are!”
Then one night in a night club I was stood with some friends with my back against the wall (as usual) scanning the environment for any potential trouble, whilst enjoying my role as the responsible one who would protect others from harm at any cost. It happened….
I spotted someone who I could only describe as ‘lary’ staring straight at me. I needn’t look no more as I’d found the troublemaker and with that felt an increasing sense of glee at my amazing abilities to find trouble. Now I was caught between two experiences; staying in enjoyment with my friends whilst occasionally monitoring the movements of Mr Lary to see what he was doing. As I had to be on my guard.
Every time I looked he was on me like no other, and I remember the internal chatter going off, “If he keeps looking at me like that then I’ll be over there”, whilst ever increasingly detaching from my enjoyment of my friends company.
Eventually it got too much and the next time he gave me that look I decided that was it/ I took a drink from my glass, placed it on the table and proceeded to walk over to him and ask him, “What’s your f***ing problem?”
Bang. It was a mirror in the night club. I had been staring myself out. Picking a fight with myself.
When I realised I told my friends and we laughed at how crazy I was and stupid, to say the least, that I’d been giving myself the ‘dead eyes’.
I was Mr Lary and hadn’t even known it.
The trouble I’d looked for was never hard to find for me because all along it had been within. And I had been looking through that lens.
So, as I said, please laugh at my expense and let me tell you that that experience alone (which some when I tell them call spiritual) was one of the greatest learning experiences I’ve ever had.
It continually allows me to ask myself if I’m actually looking in the mirror when I make judgements about others and gives me a chance to ‘look at’ rather than ‘through’ certain lenses.
It also adds weight to my ideas that mind reading happens quite a lot more than I previously had thought – the only thing is that I realised the only mind I can read is my own.